Betrayal is a recurring theme in the Bible. Though the story of Judas betraying Jesus stands out, it is not unique. Delilah betrays Samson. Joseph’s brothers sell him into slavery. Absalom betrays his father, David. Laban betrays Jacob.
Every story of betrayal reveals the felt reality of sin.
The inherent nature of sin leads to betrayal. It triggers a world of emotions. You can feel shock, disbelief, grief, and heartache over the loss of friendship, trust, and respect. It can lead to anger and confusion. As someone who has felt betrayal, one of the most difficult emotions I face is loneliness, wondering, “Whom can I trust now?”
While receiving betrayal is a painful experience, there are also times we realise we have let others down. Sometimes unconsciously and other times, knowingly. As hard as it is to admit, betrayal is something to expect from life in a fallen world.
The Sting of Betrayal is Real
After serving as a pastor for over a decade, I realise that pastors are not exempt from the sting of betrayal. For instance, it can be especially painful when key leaders or trusted church members leave suddenly without much explanation. Once they were close allies, whom you trusted. Then they are gone. Such departures may not be active forms of betrayal, but it can make you feel betrayed, abandoned, and confused.
Sometimes pastors and their wives can pour themselves out into people, only to be misunderstood or misrepresented. It can make you feel deeply wounded.
During seasons of crisis or near burnout in ministry, when your pastor and his wife need the most encouragement, the silence or lack of support from people can feel like betrayal, even if it is not intended that way.
Perhaps one of the more bitter experiences is being compared to other pastors or ministries. Simple comments like, “At that other church. . .” can seem harmless. But they can leave a pastor feeling unappreciated, rejected, or not good enough.
Whether you are a pastor or not, the sting of betrayal runs deep. It often shows up in the places we hold dearest—marriage, parenting, friendships, churches, and even in the spaces we work and serve. Truthfully speaking, I am not exempt from these experiences. I have walked through the pain of betrayal, feeling its sting more times than I can count.
Responding to Betrayal Wisely
After teaching how God disciplines his children, the writer of Hebrews says, “Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
These are not light instructions. They are weighty, and they touch the core of how we relate to others and to God.
But honestly? Just reading them can feel overwhelming. I immediately become aware of how often I fall short. The pressure to live up to this calling can be crushing.
My first instinct is often to try harder. Perhaps if I tighten up, exercise more discipline, then I can push myself to get everything “right.” But without realising it, I end up striving. I am only running harder in my flesh, pretending I am alright. It does not take long before I burn out, feel emotionally drained, and feel like I failed twice over.
Sometimes I respond differently. Instead of striving, I swing to the other extreme. I look at the commands in Scripture and quietly give up. I assume I will never get there anyway, so I might as well stop trying. Then I become passive, maybe even cynical. I hide behind excuses or just numb out. I tell myself, “God understands.” But deep down, I know I am not walking worthy of the calling I have received.
In such times, I start suffering silently. I slip into self-pity or overspiritualise my pain. Then I emotionally shut down. I might keep showing up to church or serving in ministry. But inside, I feel distant, discouraged, even disqualified.
But here is what the Lord has taught me. Neither striving harder nor giving up leads to real healing. Pretending only wears me out. Shutting down leaves me numb and bitter. One path drains me; the other hardens my heart.
This is why the posture of Jesus means so much to me.
Looking to Jesus in Betrayal
Jesus was betrayed by Judas, denied by Peter, and abandoned by his closest friends in his hour of need. He did not just teach about betrayal. He walked through it.
Our Lord knows the sting of broken trust, the ache of abandonment, the weight of unjust suffering. He does not minimise or mock our pain. But he meets us in it.
Moreover, Jesus neither retaliated nor collapsed into defeat. Instead, he entrusted himself to the Father who judges justly (1 Pet. 2:23).
This is the invitation he holds out to us. He does not want us to plot vengeance, nor suffer in silence. But he wants us to bring our wounded hearts to him; to be honest about our pain. He wants us to receive grace in our time of need—not as a pat on the back, but as the power to take the next step with hope.
Overcoming Betrayal with Grace
Grace does not erase the standard to which God calls us. It empowers us to answer it by relying on God’s mercy, not our strength. It reminds us that our worth is drawn from what Christ has done to us, not what others do to us, nor what we can do for ourselves.
In his time of need, God whispers to our weary hearts that he will prepare a table for us—not in secret, but in the presence of our enemies. He reminds us we do not have to carry the burden of justice. Vengeance belongs to the Lord (Rom. 12:19). He sees, he knows, and will make all things right.
Betrayal will not have the last word in our lives. Jesus endured betrayal and the cross until the Lord raised him from the dead (Luke 24:6-7). What others may intend for harm, God can use to deepen our calling and shape us into the likeness of Christ (Rom. 8:28). Just as Jesus was vindicated and raised in glory, we too can trust that the God who sees, and walks with us, will redeem every broken piece of our lives for his good purposes.
