The French scientist and philosopher René Descartes famously said, “I think, therefore I am.” However, today many people would say, “I feel, therefore I am.” Feelings are an enigma. In the past, people undermined them but now we glorify them. Emotions are part and parcel of being human. We think, behave, and feel. But how can we learn to manage our feelings well?
The Bible acknowledges feelings and emotions. So many verses encourage us to rejoice and others affirm our experience of grief (Rom. 12:15). Famously, we read that Jesus grieved (John 11:35). Equally, the NRSV translates Psalm 1 as, “Happy are those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or take the path that sinners tread, or sit in the seat of scoffers.”
We must not give into our feelings but we cannot ignore them either. Happiness, sadness, fear, worry, and anger are some of the most common emotions we feel daily. Some cultures think of some feelings as desirable and others as undesirable.
Western cultures encourage us to express grief, sorrow, and sadness. But they look down on anger: “Thou shall not honk!” Whereas, in India, people feel ashamed to talk about depression and grief. But we express anger without hesitation: “Thou shall freely honk!”
In the past, people undermined or suppressed emotions. People considered them as a weakness, and of little importance. A common phrase in Hindi was मर्द को दर्द नहीं (Men don’t hurt or cry).
However, millennials and Gen Z cannot seem to function without feelings. There is an over-dependence on emotions. If you cannot feel it, then it is probably not real. Consequently, it is no more Sola Scriptura but Sola Emovere. Feelings are everything.
So, the big question for followers of Christ is, “What should we do with our emotions?”
Start with Creation
Learning to manage your feelings follows the same principle as the apostle Paul articulates: ‘…whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God’ (1 Cor. 10:31).
God made us with emotions. At the beginning of creation, we see how excited and delighted Adam was to see Eve (Gen. 2:23). God calls everything he created “good,” including human emotions (Gen. 1:31). We manage them well when we do it for the glory of God.
Recognise the Fall
Reading Genesis 1 and 2, one can assume that emotions were only good before the fall. However, soon after Adam and Eve sinned, we see negative emotions and their devastating effects in the world.
God made us with emotions.
Adam and Eve felt afraid and ashamed (Gen. 3:10). In his anger, Cain killed his brother Abel (Gen. 4:1-8). Though the springs of life flow from the heart, after the fall it became deceitful above all things and desperately sick (Prov. 4:23, Jer. 17:9).
Our emotions and feelings are corrupted by sin. As a result, we experience desirable and undesirable feelings in our bodies, and this world.
Look to Jesus
Jesus affirms our human experience of emotions. At the death of Lazarus, knowing his plan to raise him from death, Jesus wept (John 11:35). He expressed his anger at the money changers and those who sold pigeons (Matt. 21: 12-13). At the garden of Gethsemane Jesus expressed his grief. He is the man of sorrows (Matt. 26:38, Isa. 53:3).
Jesus affirms our human experience of emotions.
All this shows that Jesus expressed his emotions. However, he did not let his emotions rule over him. Although he felt sorrowful unto death, he chose to submit himself to the will of God the Father (Matt. 26:39). God wants us to express our feelings in a way that worships and glorifies him.
The Power of God to Manage Feelings Well
God’s Word and the power of the Holy Spirit are crucial for us to learn how to engage, examine, and express emotions. One day God will wipe away all our tears and there will be no more pain, mourning, or crying (Rev. 21:3-4). On that day, the influence of sin on emotions will end.
Until then, we need God’s Word and the power of the Holy Spirit to help us manage and express our feelings well (Eph. 4:26, 1 Pet. 5:7, Rom. 12:15).
The Knowledge of God to Manage Feelings Well
Feelings are complex, mysterious, and difficult for us to understand. Many schools of thought—anthropology, neurology, psychology, and sociology—are trying hard to understand them. But it remains a mystery.
Emotions involve the whole human being—body, brain, mind, and heart. Anxiety fills the heart, depression affects the brain, and anger changes the face. A healthy lifestyle and good sleeping habits contribute to a good mood. But the complex relationship of emotions to the whole being cannot be captured by any one school of thought. Although they are helpful, they remain limited without the knowledge of God.
The Place of the Heart in Managing Feelings
Only when we accept that God breathed life into humans and understand how he made us that it becomes clear how the mouth speaks out of the abundance of the heart (Luke 6:45). In her book Mirrors of the Heart, Catherine Haddow shows how feelings communicate with us and show us what is in our hearts.
Emotions involve the whole human being
The emotions we find so powerful and hard to manage are controlled by the desires and fears in our hearts. In Untangling Emotions, the authors show that what we love, value, care, and cherish in our hearts decides how we emote. So the key to understanding our emotions lies in what is in our hearts.
The Ruling Desire of Our Hearts
If our work is the controlling desire of our hearts, if anything good happens at work it will produce positive emotions. If something unwanted happens at work, it will produce negative emotions—fear, stress, or anxiety.
In fact, whatever is in the centre of our hearts has controlling power over our feelings. So we need to take Calvin’s warning seriously that our hearts are an idol-making factory.
But in his grace, God’s power works in us to turn from worthless idols and wait for his Son from heaven, whom he raised from the dead (1 Thess. 1:9-10, Jonah 2:8).
So the key to managing feelings well is to recognise and turn from idolatry to rely on the power of God, who creates new, godly desires in our hearts to love him above all else. Through him alone, we can “guard our heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life” (Prov. 4:23).
