Paul’s command in Ephesians 4:26, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,” posed a significant challenge in our early days of marriage. My wife was raised in a home where this principle was practised literally—they endeavoured to resolve all conflicts before the end of the day. In contrast, my upbringing encouraged us to sleep on our anger, believing that conflicts would magically resolve themselves overnight.
When my wife and I encountered disagreements after getting married, she would move toward me to resolve them quickly, while I would withdraw, preferring to avoid further conflict.
Anger is Not Sinful but Sinful Anger is Real
Firstly, note that Paul says, “Be angry.” This might seem counterintuitive as we are often told not to be angry. But is all anger sinful? The Bible shows instances where God expresses anger. Psalm 7:11 says, “God is a righteous judge, and a God who feels indignation every day.”
God made us in his image—our emotions, including anger, reflect this image. We are created to express anger to defend something we love and to attack something that threatens it, to protect it. However, we must recognise that, because of sin, our anger rarely achieves this purpose (James 1:20).
We often suppress anger, leading to bitterness, or express it destructively, affecting those around us. Both approaches result in sinning in our anger. God reminds us that sometimes anger is necessary out of love, but we must carefully manage and express this emotion.
An Antidote for Sinful Anger
Secondly, what does it mean to not let the sun go down on your anger? There are many ways to resolve conflict. Sometimes, it is essential to address it immediately. Other times, when emotions run high, it is best to allow space and time to regain control before resolving the conflict.
Regardless of the strategy, this verse warns us against staying angry. It encourages us to move intentionally toward resolving conflicts. Our problem often lies in avoiding resolution or attacking the other party during conflicts. We must learn a new, healthy way to resolve conflicts.
One recent lesson in my marriage is using curiosity. When something seems wrong, we act like reporters, describing what we notice instead of blaming or judging. These methods help us resolve conflicts before bitterness takes root and grudges form.
Closing the Door to the Enemy
Lastly, Ephesians 4:27 is crucial to understanding sinful anger: “and give no opportunity to the devil.” Sinful anger provides the devil with an opportunity to take over. An angry heart becomes his playground, and he revels in the company of angry people. The Bible describes him as a murderer, an expression of uncontrolled anger (John 8:44). Thus, an angry heart is not only selfish and sinful but also reveals spiritual unhealthiness.
A Better Way to Process Anger
The Bible calls us to be slow to anger and not to remain in anger (Psalm 145:8, James 1:19). Here are a few practical ways to take this path.
- Self-Reflection: When angry, ask yourself what you are angry about. What are you defending or protecting, and why? Often, anger stems from defending our ego and pride.
- Notice Your Response: Observe how you react when angry. Do you suppress and stew inside, or do you explode and spew anger outwardly? Acknowledge and repent of these unhealthy tendencies and their impact on others.
- Turn to Jesus: Look to Jesus to fulfil your heart’s longing. Whether it is a loss of respect or control, a desire for justice or approval, only Jesus can truly satisfy our hearts and provide rest.
- Resolve Conflict Intentionally: Be intentional in dealing with conflict. Show wisdom and grace. Extend compassion and mercy. Forgive and strive to live in unity and peace.
Jesus not only shows us how to manage our anger but he also absorbs our anger. He paid the penalty for our sinful anger by offering himself to die on the cross. When we turn to Jesus with our restless hearts and allow his love, compassion, grace, and forgiveness to transform us, we can emulate him. We can be slow to anger and resist remaining angry with others.
By addressing our anger in Christ, we can nurture healthier relationships and embody the peace that Christ desires for us.
