Good friendships can help us become more Christlike.
I have always believed this, but had never taken time to understand and articulate exactly how this happens.
But the recent science fiction movie Project Hail Mary just did this for me.
If you love movies and hate spoilers, stop reading this blog right here, but bookmark it. And do come back and read this after watching the movie.
The movie first captures the selfishness of the human heart. The hero is a loner. He has no real friends. And like in most space and science fiction stories, something threatens the very existence of the earth.
The earth is at risk—but our hero will not risk his life to save it. He is no hero. He is just selfish and scared.
But, as the story unfolds, he ends up in deep space, completely alone. And there, in the loneliness of space, he meets a strange alien. Over time, the two of them become close friends. They work together, laugh together, and share life together.
But then, something changes.
One of them makes a great sacrifice to save the other. And later, the other friend makes an even greater sacrifice in return. Each friend begins to outdo the other in love and sacrifice.
This is true friendship.
And yet, if we are honest, this is not quite how our friendships work.
The Age of Shallow Friendships
Do you have friends?
You may wonder why I would even ask such a question.
We live in a time where we are more connected than ever before—and yet, we have fewer real friendships.
At some level, we all underestimate how important friendships are. A flourishing life is not built alone—it is built together, with real friends.
But the way we choose friends is often deeply flawed.
We assume friendships just happen. But, in reality, we are constantly sub-consciously filtering people—asking: Who is worth having in my life?
We tend to choose friends who advance us, affirm us, but don’t cost us. We choose friends who make us feel better about ourselves. And we avoid people who feel emotionally expensive.
Even when we give, we do expect something in return. Our friendships become subtly transactional.
But the Bible invites us to see and live a different paradigm through Jonathan’s friendship with David.
We see this in 1 Samuel 18. Here, Jonathan chooses a friend who does not advance his life—but costs him his future.
He gives David his robe, his armour, his sword, his bow, and his belt (1 Sam. 18:4). This is not just generosity—it is self-renunciation. Jonathan is, in effect, laying down his claim to the throne in favour of David. He could see that God had chosen David.
I don’t know if Jonathan realised the full implications of what he did—but in stepping aside for David, he was eventually making way for Christ (2 Sam. 7:16).
This is the true nature of gospel friendship.
With Christ at the centre, true friendship does not look to take—it looks to give (John 15:13).
The Power to Pursue Real Friendship
But this is where we get stuck.
We know friendships must be sacrificial. We long for that kind of depth. But we are afraid. We feel incapable of loving like this.
We admire Jonathan—but we often live more like Saul.
So where do we find the power to pursue this kind of friendship?
Let us return to the plot of Project Hail Mary. At the start, the hero is unwilling to risk his life even for the world. But by the end, he risks everything for one solitary friend.
What changed?
He did not change because someone told him to be brave. He changed because someone loved him at great cost.
His alien friend loved him at great cost to himself. When our hero received costly love, he became capable of giving costly love.
And this is where the gospel speaks most clearly.
Do you have a friend who has loved you like this?
Yes, you do.
You have a friend who did not just give you time, but gave you his life. They called him a friend of sinners (Matt. 11:19); his name is Jesus.
Jesus became a man so that we could know him (John 1:14) and receive his friendship (John 15:15). And he loved us so deeply that he laid down his life for us (John 10:11).
The more we experience this costly love, the more we become capable of extending even a small portion of it to others (1 John 3:16).
Unless we first enjoy the friendship of Christ, we can never be good friends to others (John 15:12).
So the question is not just: Do you have friends?
The deeper question is: Are you experiencing a friendship so costly that it is reshaping the way you love others?
Because when we receive that kind of love in friendship, everything changes.
