We are now living in the real age of artificial friendships.
Consider this captivating invitation to satisfy our longing for intimacy: “Ever wanted a friend who is always there for you? Someone infinitely patient? Someone who will perk you up when you’re in the dumps or hear you out when you’re enraged? Well, meet Replika. Only, she isn’t called Replika. She’s called whatever you like; Diana; Daphne; Delectable Doris of the Deep. She isn’t even a “she,” in fact. Gender, voice, appearance: all are up for grabs.”
What you just read is an introduction to an Artificial Intelligence (AI) companion that promises to be whatever you want it to be.
In her book Alone Together, MIT technology and society specialist Sherry Turkle claims that technology has become the architect of our intimacies. It leads us to expect more from technology and less from each other. For example, social media promises greater access and control over our relationships. AI wants to shoot for the moon by creating greater intimacy and companionship.
Whether we find these trends comforting or alarming, the Bible offers a more hopeful outlook for our relationships than AI can give us.
Made for One Another
The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit exist in eternal and endless love for one another. When God made us in his image, he created us with the desire and capacity for us to know and love one another.
Though God made Adam perfectly, he knew it was not good for man to be alone (Gen. 2:18). Even before sin entered the world, God made Adam with the need for a friend. But no matter how hard we try, our need for love and belonging cannot be replicated or replaced by AI.
The gift of real affection can turn friends into family and family into friends
Ultimately, sin hinders our longing and ability to love. Selfishness, self-reliance, self-centredness, and self-absorption form the core of our relational problems. Even in the church, we resist real knowledge of one another. We become suspicious of people who want to know us better. Many struggle with vulnerability because of relational scars that make it difficult to trust others.
And yet, God has not left us to despair. Jesus came into our world to set things right, including our relationships. He calls us his friends (John 15:14). Jesus prayed that we would experience the same oneness he enjoys with the Father (John 17:20-21). He reveals his great love for us and commands us to love one another just as he has loved us (John 15:12).
Through Christ, the church has been given a capacity and ability for friendships that this world could never fathom. These gospel relationships cut across social and economic barriers and rise above differences and polarisations.
Let me offer three ways the gospel moves us to deep and genuine friendship with one another.
The Gift of Real Presence
During the darkest days of his life, Job needed his friends to be around. Unfortunately, it made matters worse when they started speaking, but they did show up when Job needed them (Job 2:11-13).
When David was on the run and needed a friend to reassure him, Jonathan was there to lift his spirit (1 Sam. 23:16). In Gethsemane, while Jesus was facing the agony of the cross, he asked Peter, James, and John to be near him as he prayed (Matt. 26:36-38).
God can use your real presence to bless someone in need. A call, a WhatsApp message, or an email is good. But it can never replace physical presence. Offering a listening ear and a warm embrace can be a tremendous source of healing and comfort as someone aches or grieves.
The gift of presence requires time, effort, and sacrifice. But don’t we all long for this kind of sacrificial friendship? For someone willing to be there for us, no matter what. That is the kind of friend we find in Christ. He makes his invisible presence felt among us through his people, the body of Christ.
The Gift of Real Affection
In Indian culture, there are various reasons why we do not express affection. But the Bible often encourages us to show genuine love to one another. For example, though it may not be culturally appropriate in some places, the apostle Paul calls Christians to “greet one another with a holy kiss” and “love one another with brotherly affection” (Rom. 16:16, 12:10) His point is that we ought to display real, appropriate, loving care for one another.
I am not a natural hugger. But as I grow older—as a father, husband, and pastor—I see the need for showing visible affection toward others, starting with my wife and children.
God can use your real presence to bless someone in need.
A real display of affection between people can demonstrate how much we care and love one another. It can deepen trust, signal forgiveness, further reconciliation, provide encouragement, offer reassurance, and instil a confident sense of belonging. Real audible words of affirmation can be a source of love and approval that help deepen friendships.
The gift of real affection can turn friends into family and family into friends.
The Gift of Real Honesty
The Bible describes a friend “who sticks closer than a brother” (Prov. 18:24). In Indian culture, family loyalty is highly prized. So this biblical picture of friendship is provocative and powerful. It portrays a relationship that is richer and deeper than any family bond.
A friend like this stays with you even during your worst times. They do not have any family obligations to you. Yet they stand by you, no matter what.
Only the gospel gives us the pattern and power for authentic friendships
Gospel-shaped friendships are not forced, but voluntary. Since they are voluntary, we can be honest with one another about our struggles. We do not need to hide or pretend out of shame or fear.
Sometimes we want others to like us so we hide who we are, at the expense of being truthful. Other times we are too strong in our judgment of others, at the expense of being gracious.
Only the gospel gives us the pattern and power for authentic friendships, where we can accept each other and speak the truth in love. We can be truthful and gracious. Above all, we share a mutual confidence that what we share with each other will be honoured and protected.
Desiring Gospel-Shaped Friendships
As we read about these three gifts of gospel-shaped friendships, we may wonder why we do not have such friends. On a practical level, we may lack such friends because we expect far too little from our friendships or give far too little of ourselves to our friends. It is not easy to express your longing for friendship. It is also hard to be vulnerable with others.
Your longing for real friendships is not wrong and your struggle for vulnerability is real. But the question I want to pose to you is, “Can you be a friend who faithfully and generously gives others the gift of your real presence, real affection, and real honesty?”
In your sin and weakness, remember that Jesus is your ultimate friend. He gave himself for you so you can share his real presence forever. Jesus showed you his greatest affection for you by paying the penalty for your sins, forgiving you, and welcoming you into God’s family. He revealed his human vulnerabilities through his experience of grief, betrayal, and condemnation at the Cross.
Jesus knows us, accepts us, and promises to change us by his Word and Spirit. When we are willing to give ourselves to friendship with Jesus, he changes us to be the friends others desperately need and he satisfies our longings for real friendships.
