I grew up in a large, close-knit family and was often bombarded with unsolicited advice. Over time, it led to the hardening of my heart towards advice. I began to worship self-sufficiency instead. Yet after turning to Christ, I grew in appreciation for spiritual friendships, trusting people, and learning from my brothers and sisters in Christ.
I did not grow up in a Christian family. At the cusp of adulthood, I met Jesus without searching for him. One day, bored at home, I started digging through a pile of books and stumbled upon a Bible. I read it hoping to find “fun mythological stories.” However, as I delved deeper into its pages, Christ revealed his love for me and won me over to belong to him.
When my family did not approve of my decision to trust in Jesus, it was very hard to deal with alone. That is when I understood the challenges I would have to embrace to follow Christ.
Valuing Early Investment
At the same time I turned to Christ, a close Christian friend was growing in the reality of Christ. She asked her father to help us grow in our understanding of this newly formed relationship with Jesus. I am so grateful for his patient investment in laying the foundations of our faith. He showed me what a precious gift it was to put our faith in Christ and the necessity of abiding in God. It was this godly foundation that served as an anchor for the many storms to come in my life.
When you find trustworthy mentors, it is important to be vulnerable with them
Every time I reflect on his investment, I remember the parable of the sower (Matt. 13:1-23). Without his investment, I would have become like the rocky places, whose seed did not last when persecution and troubles came their way. All of us need people like him in our lives who can help our roots grow deeper and nourish our hearts by constantly pointing us to the true source of strength and peace (John 14:27).
Such investment is not limited to the pastors and elders in the church. It can come from men and women of God who have walked ahead of us and have discovered the great depths of God’s steadfast love (Eph. 4:20-24).
Appreciating Godly Instruction
After some time of learning from my friend’s father, I moved to a different city for work. I started attending a large church there. I felt lost in the crowd and struggled to form friendships with the congregation. Even as I grew in faith, my closest friends were people who were unfamiliar with Christ. Slowly, I could see the differences between their values and the convictions of those who loved the Lord.
At the time, I was overambitious for professional success. Left to myself, I sought shortcuts to achieve what I wanted. I cared more about the end than the means to that end. However, it was my Christ-centered friends who bravely challenged the motives behind my eager pursuit of success. They pushed me to choose God’s ways over my desires, even at the cost of sacrificing my self-serving ambitions (Gal. 5:19-24).
Over the years, I continued to cherish my friendships with my non-Christian besties but I also learned to prioritise God’s Word and wisdom for my decision-making. Through his people, God helped me cultivate a desire for the centrality of Christ in my lifestyle and choices (2 Tim. 2:22).
Learning to Discern Advice
As I grew in the Lord I wanted to marry a godly man. But I had no clue what to ask for or how to pray about it. So many of my friends’ mothers were eager to give me unsolicited advice about it. But much of their advice came from their personal experiences. They were not familiar with God’s Word and their advice was not in alignment with it.
Thankfully, my pastor’s wife came to my rescue and taught me what to look for in a godly man. I learned from her what to ask for and how to pray about it.
After I met and married my husband, there were many mentors who gave us “practical” but unbiblical advice. God had called my husband to the marketplace. But even many of the Christian businessmen whom we sought out for advice did not understand our desire to honour God in business through ethical practices. They told us it was impractical in today’s age.
There is so much to learn from watching the work of God in the lives of others
Sometimes people who were “business savvy” made us feel discouraged and foolish for what we were thinking. Thankfully, God led us to mentors who understood our heart’s desire and call to be salt and light in the marketplace. They sharpened our business skills and showed us different ways our business could impact the underprivileged and the marginalised. They equipped us in every way.
Trusting People Wisely
Through these experiences, we recognized the importance of discernment in selecting mentors. This included sieving godly advice from the worldly ones. Additionally, we learned to first watch closely the lives of the people, before deciding to go to them for advice (1 Tim. 4:16, 1 Thess. 2:8). Are they living out what they teach and preach? Is their life reflecting the centrality of Christ? (1 Thess. 1:5)
When you find trustworthy mentors, it is then important to be vulnerable with them and to be willing to receive advice from them that may not be pleasant to the ears (Prov. 1:5-7, 19:20).
Trusting People Joyfully
As our marriage grew in maturity, my love for self-sufficiency would often clash with my ability to listen to my husband’s loving advice. A godly spouse will not withhold the truth just because it hurts. They will tell you what they see so you can seek God’s help to change areas that are hard to change (Heb. 3:12-13).
The more I shared openly with my husband and listened to him with an open ear, the more I felt avenues open up to think differently. I grew stronger in my faith and finally stopped seeing self-sufficiency as the be-all and end-all to my identity and freedom. What started with my husband led to joyfully opening my life to others, without fearing their judgment (Prov. 29:25).
Only by giving people access to your life can you receive the joy of belonging to one another. There is so much to learn from watching the work of God in the lives of others (Heb. 13:7). It shows you that you are not alone in what is challenging your heart. It does not mean it will all get easy. But it does show you there are so many hands to hold you, hug you, pray for you, and comfort you when the going gets tough (Gal. 6:2).
Trusting people begins with trusting Jesus. The one who called us to belong to God’s people is the best reason for us to trust his people (John 13:34-35). Through the love of Christ, in the body of Christ, we do not have to live life alone.
