Through the ages, the idea of marriage has changed considerably. In most ancient societies, families arranged marriages as part of a larger social and financial strategy. Marriage served as the unflinching foundation of social structure—managing wealth, raising children, and preserving lineage.
As the societal landscape changed, romantic love took centre stage, and people began to value companionship and affection as the new ideals for marriage. Out of this came the concept of the “soulmate,” and the desire for deep emotional connection grew stronger.
The arts and literature heralded this new dimension to marriage and celebrated it. It romanticised the notion that you would live happily ever after if you married your soulmate. It gave marriage the power to save you from the hell of singleness and loneliness.
From “We” to “Me”
As society evolved and culture shifted constantly, people redirected the focus of marriage from “we” to “me.” Many now believe a successful marriage promotes personal happiness, growth, and space for self-fulfilment. Our entertainment systems work tirelessly to promote this line of thought. The “I/me” factor has pushed the “us/we” partnership into the background.
The Bible portrays marriage as a covenant of self-giving, transforming love
When the emotional euphoria wears off and the need for work begins, many feel their marriage is doomed and hold the institution responsible. As commitments and responsibilities increase, the relationship weakens under the stress of unmet expectations.
Too many people find it tempting to seek separation or give up on marriage to prioritise an individualistic sense of identity and personal professional growth over the shared commitment to grow together.
Biblical Marriage is a Covenant
In contrast to the changing ideals, the Bible describes marriage as a covenant relationship between God and a man and a woman. God—not man or woman—takes centerstage.
Respect, faithfulness, intimacy, compatibility and love are vital to a healthy marriage. But God intended for Christ alone to serve as its true foundation. He is the cornerstone of our lives, the solid rock on which we stand—in marriage or singleness. As the hymn goes, “all other ground is sinking sand.”
As the Psalmist says, “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labour in vain” (Psalm 127:1).
Biblical Marriage as God’s Refining Work
Throughout Scripture, God reminds us that he designed marriage as a holy, intimate relationship through which he forms and refines us into the likeness of his Son. As contradictory as it sounds, when a couple pursues Jesus together, they experience an enduring relationship forming between one another. Their pursuit of Christ shapes their lives and reflects God’s transforming grace.
A Covenant of Self-giving Love
The Bible portrays marriage as a covenant of self-giving, transforming love—not a contract which promotes one’s advantage over the other. Like a mirror, a marriage is a reflection of Christ’s holy love for his bride, the Church.
God’s Word draws our attention to what Christ-like love requires of us (Eph. 5:25–32). Scripture encourages husbands to love sacrificially, and it calls wives to submit to their husbands. Sacrificial love and submission walk hand in hand and complement each other. One cannot exist without the other.
In marriage, God shapes two imperfect people through his Spirit, in his love and through it.
Christ’s love for the Church is sacrificial and redemptive. He gave himself up for the church to cleanse and present her as holy and blameless. It is not about superiority or having the upper hand. Rather, it is an act of service and love of the highest kind. It seeks the other’s good at the cost of personal comfort or reputation. That is the benchmark the Bible sets for husbands.
Scripture calls wives to submit, just as the church receives the loving leadership of Christ. Submission does not label a woman as inferior; it expresses her openness to receive her husband’s sacrificial leadership.
Marriage becomes a picture of mutual devotion and sanctification, where husband and wife mirror Christ’s love—one through sacrificial giving, and the other through trusting reception.
Biblical Marriage Sanctifies Us
Living in intimacy and a close relationship magnifies our faults, fears, and flaws like no other relationship. Ruth Graham Bell said, “Marriage is the union of two forgiven sinners.” In marriage, God shapes two imperfect people through his Spirit, in his love and through it. The goal of marriage is not happiness but holiness. It is becoming more Christ-like through love, forgiveness, and sacrifice.
In marriage, we get to live out the love described in 1 Corinthians 13:4–7 every day, where it says, “Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered, it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; it keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
Biblical Marriage and Our Identity in Christ
As we study the Scriptures, we begin to see that marriage was never meant to complete us or to become our identity. God meant marriage to shape us, mould us into Christ-likeness, and teach us to reflect Christ in every aspect of our lives. Marriage is a high calling. When we grasp its eternal purpose, we begin to see every aspect of marriage as part of God’s great work in us.
The true beauty of marriage does not lie in perfect compatibility or happily-ever-afters. It lies in two imperfect people learning to love one another as Christ has loved them. As the Bible reminds us: “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19).
Marriage does not complete a love story. It begins a transforming love that God himself ordains, sustains, and enriches by the power of his grace.
