Just a few weeks ago, my teenage kids were preparing for their pre-Board exams. With one child in 10th grade and the other in 11th, we’re at the epicentre of the examination storm and the pursuit of academic success. To add to the chaos, there is a looming challenge ahead of us, a.k.a. ‘Cyclone College Admissions.’ When I mention the ages of my children to someone new, I often receive a look of concern. Following that, I receive a comment about how stressful this period of our lives must be.
While their academic pressure does not weigh heavily on us as a burden, I have admittedly played the role of the quintessential Indian tiger mother to perfection. I have said the things “strict” moms are supposed to say: “I want all A’s. No excuses!” or “Another break? I thought you just had one?!” or “How did your friends do on the paper?”
This was not always the case.
Recognising the Idolatry of Academic Success
When our kids were younger, my husband’s and my primary concern was their happiness. Like most parents, we just wanted well-adjusted, well-rounded children who were not buried under a pile of homework. But as academics grew more intense and college admissions loomed ahead, there was a slow but steady shift in my mindset.
While, of course, I wanted my kids to grow up with sound Christian values, I also wanted them to be successful. While success is not necessarily at odds with God’s plans, I found myself singularly focused on results in the here and now. Thoughts about their immediate future clouded out thoughts about their eternal security.
As parents, may we rehearse the truth that our chief purpose—and our children’s highest goal—is God’s glory, not worldly acclaim.
After a particularly “robust” lecture about the grit it takes to get into a good college, I could see my kids wilt under my words. It did not inspire them as I thought it would. They simply looked exhausted and defeated. I realised that my kids’ academic performance had become an idol in my life. Worse still, I was unintentionally turning it into a measure of worth in their eyes, too.
As Christian parents, how can we live counter-culturally in a time when academic and career success are viewed as one’s highest priorities? How can we encourage our children to thrive in their calling as students while teaching them to resist bowing to the idol of academic performance?
Here are three ways God’s power can dismantle the idolatry of academic success in our hearts.
Reframe our Thinking
God’s Word reminds us not to be conformed to this world but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Rom. 12:2). How can we rewire our thoughts when it comes to performance pressure for academic success, typical of most Indian homes?
When I hold the Word up as a mirror, I see that I was parenting out of fear and insecurity rather than with trust and confidence in God. I realise there are instances when I equate my children’s academic success with my own parenting competence. Yet, along with the Spirit’s conviction comes God’s grace to repent—hit the reset button and move forward with a renewed mindset.
May we use our words to build up our children rather than tear them down.
As parents, may we rehearse the truth that our chief purpose—and our children’s highest goal—is God’s glory, not worldly acclaim. While hard work is a good thing, can we remember that, ultimately, our children are not working to get good grades but to honour God? Certainly, we can encourage our children to aim for admission at top-ranked universities, and they may land lucrative jobs in the future. But let it never be at the expense of gaining the whole world only to forfeit their souls (Matt. 16:26).
Check our Words
Thanks to school WhatsApp groups and the din of social media, parents tend to unconsciously mimic certain scripts in conversations with their kids. Personally, I feel pressure to “amp up” the game when it comes to “motivating” them to study. But as Christian parents, are we quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry? (James 1:19)
Are we asking God for help to hold back the words that are unhelpful? Do we humble ourselves and apologise to our children when we have been harsh with our words?
Instead of pointing fingers at our kids’ performance or showering them with praise for their academic prowess, could we direct their gaze toward God? Could we remind our teens to find their worth in how God sees them rather than in the report cards (good or bad) they bring home?
God’s Word reminds us to work as unto the Lord and not unto man.
May we pray for God to redeem our words so we do not repeat well-worn scripts but instead foster new conversations. May we use our words to build up our children rather than tear them down (Eph. 4:29).
As parents, may we teach our children the ancient Israelite Shema prayer: “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength” (Deut. 6: 4-5).
God’s Word reminds us to impress those commands on our children as organically as possible throughout the day: “Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deut. 6:7). A good question to ask ourselves is what our conversations with our kids primarily focus on. The answer might reveal an idol of the heart.
Evaluate Our Work Ethic
God’s Word reminds us to work as unto the Lord and not unto man (Col 3: 23-24). As parents, do we work as modern-day slaves who are controlled by corporate puppeteers? Or maybe the pendulum swings in the opposite direction and we tend to give in to procrastination and laziness.
To quote Tim Keller, “Work—and lots of it—is an indispensable component in a meaningful human life. It is a supreme gift from God and one of the main things that gives our lives purpose. But it must play its proper role, subservient to God.”
Work is meaningful, but are we giving work its “proper role” in our lives? Our kids’ values are more often “caught” than “taught.” Can we pray for the grace to model a work ethic that honours God, where there is no division between “sacred” and “secular”?
Jesus laboured for us with great determination, without pressure from his Father but because the Lord took pleasure in him (Matt. 3:17). Through Christ, his pleasure in us is our chief motivation to labour for him (1 Cor. 15:10).
It is not too late to change the culture of our homes. Often, it begins from a place of humility, where we confess our flaws to God, apologise to our children when we need to, and allow the Spirit to renew our minds, our words, and our rhythms. We will not get it perfectly right all the time. But may we partner with God to create gospel-centred homes where we rest, knowing that our worth is grounded in Christ and not our achievements.
