Whenever I read the phrase “Wives, submit to your own husbands” I always felt perplexed (Eph. 5:22-23). How could a God, so good and loving, look down on women? I felt this more strongly as a witness to the unfair treatment of women in India.
As I grew up, I always dreamt of a successful career and an equal marriage. I detested kitchen activities. I was only interested in how I could make it big. Even today, I vividly remember hearing how Indra Nooyi, former CEO of PepsiCo, heard her mother tell her, “You may be President of PepsiCo but when you step into this house, you’re a wife and mother first. Nobody can take that place. So leave that crown in the garage.”
I strongly disagreed with her and promised myself that I would change things when it was my time.
Love and Career
Then I met the love of my life. My first conversation with him was about faith and then about my career. I told him I had professional goals and I would not let anyone limit my capacity in any way. After we got married, I chose to move cities to be with my husband. Though I was able to continue the same job in a different city, a small part of me still struggled with the move. I was worried about the future of my career.
The Struggle with Submission
The need to obey God is easy to understand. But it is a struggle to act on it. Though I know God is not unfair, how do I come to terms with it when it constantly feels like he is? It was especially difficult when I faced challenges adjusting to a new city, while it felt comparatively easy for my husband. I know he made sacrifices for me too. But mine always felt more significant.
Blaming Submission and Feeling Bitterness
Whenever things at work looked bleak, I was quick to blame my decision to “submit.” I kept wondering if I fully comprehended the price I had to pay. Every time I had to give my mind to thinking about household things instead of work, I got angry and felt guilty about who I have become.
For the longest time, the idea of submission has been misused by one gender and used against the other.
All these emotions made me feel bitter towards God. It was a battle with him, and I always prayed, “If it is your will and Word, then it cannot be this difficult.” I kept knocking on his door for answers until I came face to face with something deeper. The answer was always in front of me; I was just ignoring it for the sake of my own convenience.
The Impact of the Fall
The truth was simple. The fall is real and sin has tainted all God’s creation. For the longest time, the idea of submission has been misused by one gender and used against the other. In the rest of the passage in question, God calls men to be sacrificially loving with their wives, as Christ himself is for the church (Eph. 5:25-33). If men were true to this calling, submission would not feel like a burden.
My Conviction of Sin
Sin is real but I also understood that sin is real in me. While ambition is good and healthy, selfish ambition is exclusively about you. Jesus had a goal for himself: to submit to the Father’s will.
Somewhere, the little girl inside me still believes that I need to fend for myself.
Rather than using equality with God to his advantage, he made himself nothing. He chose to win us over by his love for us—giving his life for us, not coercing us by his strength into obedience. In submitting to God, he put our salvation first, not himself.
Looking to him, I saw that my ambition was not as pure as his purpose. It was driven by selfish interests and did not make space for anyone other than me.
Looking to Jesus
In his humanity, Jesus the Son of God, was meek and humble. He was a carpenter’s son who likely helped his father at work. He was submissive to his parents and to God. In contrast, I looked down on household work and put my comfort over that of my husband’s. It made me realise my sin of loving myself and my work more than others.
Trusting in God’s Provision
In all this, I discovered my unbelief in God’s provision and his goodness. Somewhere, the little girl inside me still believes that I need to fend for myself. With my sight of the cross getting smaller each day, I relied on myself alone. So when I paid attention, I realised submission was not making my life difficult. It was my sinful and tainted interpretation of it.
Growing into the Likeness of Christ
I know the story does not end there. In fact, I know I will continue to struggle with my heart in the future. But there is hope in Christ. I find relief to know that the Holy Spirit who lives in me has brought me this far. He is working in me each day to help me submit to God and my husband. So my submission is full of love because I know Jesus and my husband love me sacrificially. With God’s grace at work in me, I will continue to mature into the likeness of Christ (2 Cor. 3:18).
