A New York-based Instagram influencer whom I follow posted her postpartum body two weeks after giving birth to her second child. Not only was she looking fitter than I have in the last five years, but she was also showcasing how she was moving on from caring for a newborn by getting back to work, partying, and exercising.
The internet has not helped mothers. From the flat-stomached new moms to the super-moms who seem to have it all figured out, the internet has portrayed being a mother as “no big deal.” But birthing a newborn is a big deal, whichever way you look at it. Raising one takes immense strength and perseverance. Along with the joys of a newborn, there are also obvious challenges.
The internet hides the mother awake till 3 a.m. trying to soothe a colicky baby who refuses to stop crying, no matter what she tries. Social media does not showcase that 22% of women in India suffer postpartum depression, as per a 2017 study. It does not spotlight the mother who is managing a newborn, along with an older child who is not adjusting well to sharing their mother’s attention.
One of the most complex parts of caring for a newborn is the constant feeding and diaper changing. Whether breast or bottle, breastmilk or formula, a mother is on her toes feeding, burping, and changing nappies ever so often. The first three months pass by in a sleep-deprived blur.
Apart from being physically exhausted, it is easy to become emotionally drained. In this time, how can you be caring for a newborn while caring for your soul?
Drawing Near to God While Caring for a Newborn
The first thing that takes a beating in those newborn days is sleep. Without sleep, the body struggles. The mind cannot cope. Routine can go out the window.
Developing some kind of rhythm is imperative in such a time. The creation story in the Bible exemplifies this in the way God created the earth and filled it for six days. Then he rested on the seventh day (Gen. 2:1-3). During his time on earth, Jesus found a rhythm to withdraw from his disciples, his followers, and the crowds to pray (Luke 5:16).
The first thing that takes a beating in those newborn days is sleep.
However busy and sleep-deprived, we can break up the rhythm of picking up the phone and scrolling through Instagram and turn to seeking God’s face. Reading his word and praying, even for 15 minutes, can fill up and nourish an exhausted soul, running on empty.
Protect your time with God. Find a way to consistently spend time with God in the rush and madness of the day. What may work in the first month may not in the second. But stay consistent. Eventually, one finds a rhythm to read God’s Word that works. What may work for one mother may not for another.
There are many books, tools, and devotionals that can help read the Bible. During my postpartum days I stuck to the tool of Seeing Jesus Together.
New mothers are often encouraged to eat well and hydrate well. If a mother is well nourished, she has the energy to look after her child better. As new mothers are constantly wrestling with the image of what the world wants us to be, we need God’s Word to break up the idolatry of finding our identity in being a mother. Through his Spirit, he gives us constant and daily reminders that our identity is in Jesus. It is the nourishment our soul demands.
Resisting Isolation While Caring for a Newborn
About three weeks postpartum, I went down for a walk. A well-meaning aunty looked at my stomach and commented on how it had not gone in. She said that I should wear a belt to get rid of my tummy. This made me so self-conscious, I started wearing loose clothing and began trying to avoid her.
Mothers can feel raw, exposed, and ashamed, causing us to withdraw from being with people. Moreover, managing a newborn in a public setting like a church is challenging. Schedules are disrupted. New people and places can cause a newborn to be overstimulated, overtired, and cranky. It is easy to avoid going to church using the baby as an excuse.
But I encourage all mothers of newborns to make the trip to worship on Sunday, once they have completed their confinement. When you go, be wise and do not hand over your child to everyone. But take your child with you to experience the fellowship of believers, singing, hearing the Word together, worshipping, and fellowshipping in the presence of God.
Mothers can feel raw, exposed, and ashamed, causing us to withdraw from being with people.
It is practical and wise to invest in tools that make your visit to church or anywhere outside the home more accessible—a car seat, a baby carrier, a pram, a nursing cover, and adequate bottles and other necessities. Invest in as many resources as you can that make you and your baby comfortable.
Sharing responsibilities with your husband is very helpful in managing Sunday morning, especially if you have older kids. Planning and preparing for Sunday morning helps to avoid any last-minute rush and changes to the schedule.
When your baby has a diaper explosion right as you are about to leave or just as you enter the service, be calm. You are not alone. This has happened to many parents before us. Persevere and stick to the plan. Get help from other parents in the church. There is nothing wrong with asking for help.
A new mother will find her biggest cheerleaders and encouragers in the company of fellow believers. The church is a beautiful place where, as mothers, we can exist alongside other new mothers and more seasoned mothers.
In the church, a new mother can find some of the kindest souls, whose fellowship will point them back to Jesus. So avoid the temptation to withdraw from the company of other believers while caring for a newborn.
Praying Through The Challenge of Caring for a Newborn
Many new age mantras encourage people to “power through”. But the Bible encourages us to “pray through” any obstacles. In his letter to the Corinthians, the apostle Paul encourages them to rely on God’s grace, which is sufficient for us. God’s power is made perfect in our weakest moments (1 Cor. 12:9-11).
Praying through—not powering through—helps us depend on God’s grace. Prayer is humbling because we turn to God and we turn away from ourselves and the weird standards we set up for ourselves. Praying through our hurt, pain, and sorrow can illuminate God’s sustaining grace.
It is not only permissible but imperative to admit our shortcomings before God. This helps our hearts handle situations when we feel we are inadequate. He completes us even as we struggle with the fallenness of being incomplete parents to infants in a fallen world.
In the church, a new mother can find some of the kindest souls, whose fellowship will point them back to Jesus.
Reading God’s word and praying through our fears, emotions, and joys draw us closer to the perfect family of the Holy Trinity. God, the ideal Father, hears our cries through the intercession of Jesus, whose Spirit dwells in us to cry out in our weakest moments. God’s grace sustains and delivers us from the raw and nasty emotions we experience in giving birth and caring for a newborn.
Despite all of the challenges of being a new mother, a newborn outgrows this phase pretty quickly. Before you know it, you may have to deal with the challenge of a 9-month-old waddling around, licking leaves despite you telling them not to do this. I have video evidence of my 9 month old doing this.
While adjusting to caring for a newborn, take it all in. Try and capture all those precious baby moments because they are newborns only for three months. Time is linear and rushes by, before our very eyes. Do not forget to enjoy their coos and cuddles. Find ways to thank God for this addition and celebrate how he has blessed you.
As challenging as newborns are, they are a beautiful reminder of God’s grace. He redeems our brokenness as mothers, so rest in that assurance. Draw closer to the shepherd of your soul, as you navigate the waters of being a newborn mother.
We can turn to God’s grace to sustain us through the most challenging days as a parent. Prayer becomes the channel through which we humble ourselves as mothers repeatedly and turn to Christ for new mercies. Ultimately, it is God’s grace that elects us to be his children and raises us up like newborn babies to grow up in our salvation (1 Pet. 2:2-3).
