The Bollywood movie 2 States shows the drama that erupts when a Punjabi boy loves a Tamilian girl. But unlike the film, many cross-cultural love stories do not end with a joyful wedding. Instead of enjoying the beauty of a cross-cultural marriage, a couple can disappear into the dullness of a loveless marriage. The same differences that sparked attraction can deepen division.
I grew up in a conservative Malayalee culture that took pride in marrying within its own. So my decision to marry a man with some Tamilian blood felt like a cultural rebellion to many. They viewed my choice as betrayal because I violated an unwritten cultural rule about marriage.
What is the Point of Marriage?
Marriage gives people the beauty of companionship, the security of belonging, the pleasure of union, and the joy of shared creation. The Bible traces its goodness to God’s design of a sacred bond between a man and woman (Genesis 2:24).
Yet no marriage remains good at all times.
Brokenness shapes every marriage and often overwhelms couples. Many people now prefer romantic relationships without marriage. Divorce rates in India continue to rise and have even tripled in metropolitan cities like Delhi, Mumbai, and Bengaluru.
God designed marriage to provide some belonging but not perfect belonging.
Intercultural marriages often face even greater odds because they bring unique challenges.
My marriage outside my cultural comfort zone forced me to wrestle with the purpose of marriage. Should marriage bring cultural pride to my family? Should it make me happy? Or does it serve a higher purpose?
Our Marriage and God’s Love
God’s Word provides a clear and deep answer. He designed marriage to offer us more than earthly happiness.
Marriage helps us experience the joy of his love for us. It serves as a sign which points to Christ’s faithful love for the church (Eph. 5:31–32). Seeing his love for us can shape and rescue couples navigating painful seasons in their marriage, when misunderstanding dominates and divorce hovers over tense conversations.
Sometimes we bring expectations to our marriage, which only Jesus can satisfy.
Imagine a clothes rack in your room. Now imagine balancing heavy metal boxes on its frame until the entire rack crashes. The rack was never meant to carry this weight.
Marriage also collapses when we demand perfection from it. God designed marriage to provide belonging, but not perfect belonging. Only in Christ can we receive a sense of ultimate belonging.
The Challenges of Cross-Cultural Marriage
In India, marriages do not simply unite two people; they also unite two families. Our families deeply shape our hearts, habits, and instincts. So a cross-cultural marriage can face great challenges because of the vast differences in the cultures each family comes from.
A young bride often enters her husband’s alien world and leaves the comfort of hers. She may feel excluded when she cannot speak her husband’s family’s language. She may hear subtle taunts, sense sharp tones, or notice non-verbal cues that call her a cultural misfit.
Christian marriage exists to serve each other for God’s glory; not to serve ourselves.
Even separate homes cannot remove this pain. Couples may face pressure at family events, during vacations, or when families impose cultural expectations on how they live, spend money, or raise children. Husbands and wives can feel torn between each other and their families.
Conversation becomes difficult because honesty about cultural differences feels like a personal attack. This happens because each spouse ties belonging so tightly to their family of origin that any cultural criticism feels like betrayal. These unmet longings for belonging can slowly wreck a marriage.
Our Marriage to Christ
Radical change only begins when both spouses are rooted in the love of Christ and find their deepest belonging in him (1 Cor. 3:23; Rom. 14:8, Eph. 3:17-19).
Such belonging frees them from seeking identity in their cultural background. A husband can then release certain cultural habits and embrace his wife’s culture or a third culture that aligns with Scripture. He can protect his wife from cultural taunts because he draws security from Christ and from his covenant with her, not from his family’s approval.
A wife who feels slighted can, by the Spirit’s power, forgive her husband’s family without withdrawing (Eph. 4:32; Col. 3:13). Both spouses can then approach each other with gentleness, rather than meanness. They can discuss differences honestly without feeling personally attacked.
Christian marriage exists to serve each other for God’s glory; not to serve ourselves. When couples anchor their belonging in Christ and see his tender love for them, they grow in love for each other. The power of God’s love in Christ can overcome the hardest cultural divisions and break the strongest walls.
Inter-cultural couples who hold fast to Christ’s faithful love create a new gospel culture. This love can spark reconciliation in their extended families and even heal generational wounds. Cross-cultural marriages can feel like difficult soil. But when couples look to Christ as their gardener, he can work the ground to bring beauty beyond all our imagination.
