I love lists. They get to the point, they are easy to understand and practical. Here is my list of 5 personal lessons from ten years in pastoral ministry, in no particular order of importance.
Define Success Differently
In the early season of planting New City Delhi, I would dread meeting people because I know what they were going to ask, “How many people attend your church?”
I assumed people are trying to evaluate or judge my ministry, my fruitfulness and my impact based on church attendance. I should have known better than to let it bother me, but it bothered me. I felt a sense of shame and worthlessness which led to irritation and anger.
Though I will be quick to deny that I define success by numbers, my response and uneasiness with the question indicated that my identity was still shaped by it. Friends, do not let numbers define your worth. Your worth is in Christ alone. Repent and turn to Jesus who is fully pleased with you through his work on the cross. Learn to define success differently.
Develop a Reading Habit
I probably read two books before I became a pastor. I do not enjoy reading. But I would strongly encourage any pastor to start reading books. I like to meet with another pastor friend of mine and one of the first questions I always ask him is, “What are you reading?”
If you have trouble finding good books, ask other pastors who read or look for book recommendations on blogs like the one by Tim Challies. Reading helps you learn constantly and keeps you theologically sound, culturally relevant and innovative in ministry.
Pay Attention to Your Emotions
Pete Scazzero in his book, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality says, “It’s impossible to be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature.”
Our culture values gifts and ministry effectiveness over character. We confuse emotional immaturity with passion or zeal and give a pass to pastors and leaders for their emotional failures.
Learn to process your emotions in a healthy way. Let the fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control—grow in you and be evident in you. Learn to identify, process and pray your emotions by slowing down, being honest about your heart, practising Sabbath and a lifestyle of repentance and faith.
Disciple Your Family
Leaders are filled with a God-given drive and ambition for ministry but most times it is at the cost of your own family. If you are married, your primary ministry is to your wife and children. Invest in nurturing and cultivating your marriage.
Spend time with your children by being accessible and available to them. Let them be the first to experience your care, concern and comfort, as opposed to seeing you in action only with the church while they are strangers to you. Do fun things together, take trips together, have meals together, discuss the sermon together, sing together and may Christ unite your hearts together as a family.
Invest in Deep Friendships
I am in my early 40s and one thing I realise is I am running out of capacity to make new friends. I am grateful for the friends in my life and I want to keep them no matter what because they are indispensable to my growth and sanity.
Developing deep and authentic friendships takes time. It requires initiative on your part and a certain vulnerability to desire deep spiritual friendships. What are you doing to cultivate such friendships?
Jesus had close friends—a circle of twelve and an even closer circle of three. True spiritual friends are loyal and they care for your soul. If you do not have such friendships, ask God to help you see the potential for such friendships among people you already know or pray for the Lord to lead you to new relationships close to where you live.
I hope my five lessons over ten years of pastoral ministry will save you trouble and bring you joy. As you take steps to reflect on what values should shape your pastoral ministry I pray “my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:19).
