Indian fathers are unique. Generally they are hard working, future focused, highly pragmatic, family men. But all these good virtues come at a price. They can can be emotionally and even physically absent in their homes. It is common for them to feel jaded by pressure at work, and carry a lot of unresolved emotional baggage in their enigmatic hearts.
In my mind, I do not want to become the stereotypical Indian father. Yet recently, I acted just like it and immediately regretted it.
My daughter is preparing for college and was thoughtfully exploring her options—considering her passions, strengths, and calling. As we talked, I blurted out, “Choose a major that pays well.” But the moment I said it, I felt awful.
No doubt, there is some truth in that advice. We live in a nation of over a billion people, where competition for opportunities and resources is intense. Many of us have grown up hustling, always looking for the best bargain in life.
But this mindset often reveals a deeper issue: we tend to view work through a dualistic and distorted lens. It elevates success and security over faithfulness and purpose.
This actually gives Indian fathers an opportunity to apply the gospel to the disordered desires of our hearts, so we can shepherd our children with wisdom, grace, and long-term faithfulness.
Teach about Good Worth
Fathers, teach your children their worth is not in grades, degrees or titles. In India, we place an inordinate emphasis on all three. In a culture that prides itself on communalism over individualism, one can end up making approval from family and society their life’s pursuit. Often it leads to unhealthy comparisons and unrealistic ambitions. Such a heart becomes fertile ground for shame and apathy.
In India, most often we believe a good life is a prosperous life.
Through your words, actions, and attitude, let your children know you love them unconditionally. Remind them they are precious to the Lord and that Christ gave his life for them. Remind them of these things, encourage them constantly, and affirm them every chance you get.
Teach about the Good Life
In India, most often we believe a good life is a prosperous life. We grow up in a culture which believes life without money is sad, empty, and meaningless. So we assess goodness financially. While people agree that the love of money can be the root of all evil. In reality, we tacitly approve that money can be the answer to all our problems and the key to all goodness.
We have a responsibility to raise our children in the Lord.
We need money to meet our needs, help others, save for the future, and enjoy life wisely. So money is not insignificant but it should not turn idolatrous.
God teaches us that a good life comprises of seeking and knowing God, walking justly, kindly, and humbly before God and people—with contentment and wisdom. (Matt. 6:33, Ps. 16:11, Micah 6:8, 1 Tim. 6:6, James 3:17).
Fathers, teach your children from Proverbs 3 and 8 that a good life is a life God blesses—better than riches like gold or silver.
Teach about Good Work
India is a religious and moralistic culture where a dualistic worldview prevails. When we make career decisions, we look for jobs that have the top pay, most popularity, and highest profile, even if it comes at the expense of any other parameters. We grow up looking to our work life as a way to redeem and prove ourselves.
This cultural desire to have comfort, security and control in life can inadvertently make us use work or use people to achieve our goals. Such work is neither glorifying to God nor a blessing to people.
It is not only our children who need the power of God, but even more so their Indian fathers.
Right from our education in school, children fail to learn how to enjoy a balance of work, rest, and play. So teach your children about how our God worked 6 days and rested on the 7th day (Gen. 2:1-3).
Show them how he created us with gifts, passions, and opportunities; how he invites us to glorify him through our work (Col. 3:23-24). Model for children that, by God’s grace they can work hard (1 Cor. 15:10). Yet because they are not God, they need to rest (Ps. 4:8). In the midst of unfinished work, teach them they can rest because God has finished his perfect work on our behalf. Encourage them that, even today, he continues to work in us, through us, and for us.
As parents, we have a responsibility to raise our children in the Lord (Eph. 6:4). When I caught myself saying those words typical of any Indian father, I realised my deep-seated insecurities and idolatries that continue to plague me. I repented before God and apologised to my family. Thanks be to God, he has set us free and continues to set us free (Heb. 10:14).
As we aspire to raise godly children and help them make decisions about the future, may we remember it is not only our children who need the power of God, but even more so their Indian fathers.
